Lisa Vanderpump has considered a swim in the lady pond.
The 57-year-old formidable British restaurateur has been married to Ken Todd for 35 years – a union that she said almost caused her to switch sides.
While it seems they’ve been divinely happy, Lisa had a few gripes to share Tuesday about her ‘old man’ during The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Secrets Revealed show.
‘He’s always late, he runs on his own time, he talks to the dogs more than he talks to me, that’s why I have seriously considered being a lesbian, there’s just one thing missing…but I think if I could just get around that I’d be good to go,’ she joked.
The couple also were shown discussing their anniversary plans.
‘I want you to buy me sexy lingerie and then I want to prance around the house in it, in high heels, and show you what you’re not going to get,’ teased the 57-year-old reality star.
In previously unseen footage Vanderpump told Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave about Ken’s ‘incredibly painful’ kidney stone, which is ‘supposed to come out the end of the winky.’
Longtime husband: Ken Todd has been married to Vanderpump since 1982
‘And you’re supposed to catch it, because then it’s supposed to be analyzed…the only upside is that I’m probably not going to have to put out today,’ she laughed.
Teddi, the 36-year-old daughter of music legend John Cougar Mellencamp, confessed to getting a tattoo in ‘the eighth grade.’
She asked her famous father over the phone if he was ‘mad about it’ and he replied: ‘Yeah, I’m still mad at you.’
Young tattoo: Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave revealed she got a tattoo in eighth grade
Still mad: John Cougar Mellencamp said on the phone that he was still mad about the tattoo
The ‘accountability coach’ also described her $4 million home – for which her husband Edwin had made a ‘low ball offer’ from the $6 million asking price.
During the past RHOBH season Camille Grammer had amused herself by gifting ‘big mouth’ Dorit Kemsley with a ball gag.
It was revealed that she’d bought it in New York City’s Museum of Sex.
Sex toy: Camille Grammer talked about getting a ball gag for Dorit to send a message
‘It’s better than a muzzle,’ shrugged Camille, 49, who also tested lubes, bondage gear and vibrators during the kinky shopping spree.
Dorit, whose husband Paul Kemsley is Boy George’s manager, described the musician as a ‘pseudo husband’ to her.
Vanderpump said that Ken was ‘highly likely’ to get their beloved dog Giggy cloned, for a cost of $50,000.
‘When you’re in the rescue business how can you justify spending $50,000 on little Gig, even though he’s so special, when it could save so many other dogs?’ she mused.
Lisa Rinna complained about her kids’ tattoos, of an ‘evil eye’ and the planet Saturn .
‘I f***ing hate tattoos, let me just put it out there,’ she told Erika Girardi.
Planet tattoo: Lisa Rinna didn’t like that her model daughters got tattoos including Amelia’s ink of Saturn
Adding: ‘Teenagers are crazy, frontal lobes are not developed.’
Erika, 46, is married to big shot lawyer Thomas Girardi, 78.
She discussed her son, Tommy Zizzo, who is now 25 and working in law enforcement.
Lawyer husband: Erika has been married to big shot lawyer Thomas Girardi since 1999
Mother and son: The reality star and singer discussed the fun she had being a boy’s mom
‘It’s fun being a boy’s mom, I like it because I’m a tomboy,’ said the pop singer and author.
‘He got to sit in trials and schmooze it up with the secretaries…I think it really helped him with his career,’ she added of her son’s childhood with her lawyer husband.
Dorit said that her two-year-old daughter Phoenix is ‘100 percent the mini me.’
Career helper: Erika said her son Tommy benefited from hanging out with Thomas
‘She’s drawn to all the things that I am drawn to, shoes, handbags, makeup, glam.’
Rinna, 54, speculated about Vanderpump’s facial surgery.
‘I think Vanderpump’s had a facelift,’ announced the former child star, who has had her fair share of work done, too.
The RHOBH will return next season on Bravo.
Mini me: Dorit Kemsley said her daughter Phoenix was a ‘100 percent’ her mini me